Deja Vu

I have tried writing a sort of sequel/different point of view for one of my poems – Dark Angel

If you have not read it before, Please do so @ http://manasa-ahamvritti.blogspot.in/2012/05/blood-on-my-hands-stain-on-soul.html

Comments/Compliments/criticism most welcome

PART – 2

Have you ever felt the chills in your spine?

When the night seems darker and sinister

When somebody whispers “you are mine”

You turn around, search in vain for the invisible caller

When you walk faster, increasing your pace

When you jump at every rustle of leaves

Your heart thumps loud, almost beckoning him

Your throat goes mute, when all you want is to scream

When your shadow seems to crawl towards you

When the familiar eyes try to deceit you

When you want to cry but freeze due to fear

When you can do nothing but wait for the jeer

The feeling of Déjà vu enveloping you

It all comes so true, just like you knew

Or so you think, waiting for something

Trying to think clear, your mind not heeding

What was it that you were running away from?

Confused senses, is it for real or a dream

You pray hard, that you will wake up any second

And wonder if you are wrong, when the voice again beckons

Yet Again

An attempt to write few lines, from a prostitute’s take on life.

I always had a dream, a dream of love

For a man in my life, for a caring soul

Destiny had its laugh, played its game from above

It gave me a line of men, didn’t hear my cries of foul

I always sigh, if I could love and wed

Yet again I stare, at the unmade bed

No I won’t, I won’t tell you why I do this

You always see the sun, not the shadow it causes

Your eyes see only flesh, not the life it misses

Oh, if you could only see my heart, its wounds and gashes

I wail and cry until I am all sore

Yet again I wait, for a knock on my door

Yes I do, I do grieve for myself

I grieve for my dreams but I don’t regret

I did what I had to; in times of need

At least I don’t hide behind a pretext

I wake up at twilight, willing it to be surreal

Yet again I gear, for another night’s ordeal

I still have my head held high; I have my heart pristine

I still have dreams in my eyes; I have a smile on my lips

I still care in my heart; I have compassion for thy

Yet again I sleep; this is my life’s eclipse.

Yet again I stare, at the unmade bed

Yet again I wait, for a knock on my door

Yet again I gear, for another ordeal

Yet again I sleep, if you call that so

Girl Power

I know it is very difficult girl, 

To live in this world on your terms,

 But you relax, just twist and twirl,

 Don’t let this world get on to your nerves,

 You can push yourself to any length,

  Hang on girl, Hang on to that strength!!

I know it is very complex girl,

To love someone with all your heart,

Heaps of stones the world will hurl,

Don’t ever let that tear you apart,

That is just an evil feeble wraith,

Hang on girl, Hand on to that faith!!

I know it is very tiring girl,

When all the eyes are devouring you,

Only for your cute looks and dark curls,

Don’t ever let that demean your virtue,

You know you are more than a beauty cream,

Hang on girl, Hang on to that esteem!!

I know that you have it in you girl,

You have the dreams and you have the power,

You are like a pure form of pearl,

Always striving for better and brighter,

You will always dream and you will always achieve,

For a simple reason, in you, you believe!!

                                                                                                  

HAUNTING DOPPELGANGER-2

I had to tell someone; but whom would I tell? Would anyone believe me? I imagined telling Sri

“Sri, I have a twin. No…I actually had a twin, I came to know that only yesterday, I don’t know anything about her, I mean now I know a few things, she Knows everything about me…No..I mean…At least that is what I think…”

She would give me ‘you need a psychiatrist’ look .My mom was out of question and Dad??…Never Mind. I need to search for a solution all by myself, at least for now. I gathered up all my courage and went about my chores as usual. That was when I realized that the weather was chilly, chilly in summer!! ..

Have control Mani... you are imagining way too much. I decided to have a warm bath, relax and divert my mind. I went down to the hall to watch TV and realized that the hall was warmer. I knew I was imagining things, the weather was normal. After dinner, I went back to my room and again felt the chill in my room. As I started walking towards my bed, the air around me became chillier. I was afraid to sit on the bed, half expecting something to jump over me, and then I heard it. The sound of shallow breathing is it me...or is it….? I couldn’t sleep; I lay awake, fearing the worst in case I slept.

It was so warm… like I was lying down in a warm swimming pool, like a warm hug. I pulled my blanket closer to me. Then I realized, dream from reality, Blanket!!! I never took out my blanket; it was in my wardrobe, right from the day summer started. I sat up on my bed; I was indeed snuggled in the blanket. How did it come here? Did I drool off to sleep without my knowledge? Is this done by her? Is she trying to scare me, proving that she has breached the privacy of my room?

I was not the one to get scared easily…I tried to call out to her...What was her name..? Oh! I don’t even know her name... and what does she know about me? How much does she know and how does she know? I couldn’t sleep any more…I went up to the attic...I had seen mom hideaway a package there...Which came in with her death news. I opened the package there were documents and photos.

I flipped through the photos and saw a latest one. It was like glancing at my photo, but not aware of when or where it was taken. She was a mirror image, big eyes, broad forehead, long hair, and chubby. I instantly felt a connection with her. I never asked mom what caused her death. I should do that tomorrow. I saw a duplicate birth certificate, and there I found out her name...MOUNI



Mani, Mouni...Our names were also so similar. May be we would have gotten along very well? May be she would have filled that Void space in my life…which always had a yearning for somebody more than a friend. A smile played up on my lips, it would have been fun. The gossips, pranks and secrets that we would have shared together. May be I really missed something without ever knowing about it.

I was lost in my thoughts, when I again found that I was shivering, the room had become chilly, like the cold wind followed me from my room to the attic. I felt a disturbance in the wind, just beside me, as if somebody just settled down there. I knew she was there with me. Did she ever feel the connection? I sifted through the package and found a dairy at the bottom of the Package. I was a bundle of emotions at that instant… excited, nervous, and scared. I opened it and found her details in the first page. Her likes and dislikes were so similar to mine. There was a beautiful photo of her in the first page with an older couple. They must be her parents.

I was aware of the unrest in wind beside me…was she disturbed on seeing her parents...or was it because I am breaching her privacy. I continued going through the dairy, saw glimpses of her life through my eyes, her college, her friends, her secrets and fights. She loved her life and enjoyed it to the fullest. She was frank, practical and a no nonsense girl. I could see that she would make a wonderful friend and the worst enemy. How did she see me? Friend or foe? Lost in my thoughts, I flipped through the pages, without actually reading anything. I saw it then, written in dark,

I HATE YOU MANI.I LOATH YOU FROM THE CORE OF MY HEART.

The words were like a harsh slap on my face. I could feel the hatred with which she wrote. I was engulfed by sorrow and hurt…and slowly by the chilly wind, like it tried to cage me in it…forever. I saw the next line …

I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE, EVEN IF I HAVE TO COME BACK FROM DEAD



With each line the temperature of the room decreased. I could see my own breath in form of mist. I couldn’t bear the feeling. The wind seemed to choke me, crush me, and suffocate me. I couldn’t breathe properly. My head started spinning, I felt dizzy ….and fell down with a thud on the floor. I tried to move out of the attic, I couldn’t, somebody was holding me down, or was it just the wind? I couldn’t shout, all that came out my mouth were gasps for air and feeble incoherent sounds. The last thought in my mind was

DEATH WILL LAY ITS ICY HANDS ON YOU

The chill in my room…the cold wind suffocating me…. the darkness enveloping me… Is this what death feels like …Will there be a tomorrow for me??





Did I reach the end… my thoughts raced back to what was actually happening… “Why do you want to kill me” I tried to shout out with the feeblest of my voices…I struggled to stay alive. I saw them then, the pair of eyes…directly above me…blood shot eyes with dilated pupils.

I was instantly brought back to senses. Everything was back to normal .Was I having hallucinating?? Or was it real…?

I felt my neck… it burnt like hell… as if some rope was burnt onto it. I started running down to my room, I dared to glance back, that was when I actually saw her, standing at the top of steps.

Long hair strewn wild, blood shot eyes, pale white skin, floating few inches above the steps,… …... I knew what happened to me was NOT a dream… I wanted to shout. .. But my voice was stuck in my throat…



Keep Visting for more...

I am What I am

I put in a lot of thought on the topic for my first post. After a lot of thinking , I penned down a few thoughts. I hope it provokes you to think, even if it is just for a second.



I am different from you. You are different from her, she is different from him.



Each of us is defined by our attitude. Decide on how you want to shape yourself and take pride in doing so. Decide for what you want and go for it. It doesn’t matter if it is out of your reach, it may initially seem so…



Follow your own particular dreams. We are handed a life by peers, parents and society, you can do that or follow your own dreams. Life is short, be a dreamer but be a practical person.
HUGH HEFNER

The restrained dawn strains behind the crowd
You get only one chance at life, Design it carefully. There is no Ctrl + Z in life.


You may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one,

I hope some day you'll join us,

And the world will be as one.


JOHN LENNON