Why Lord??

You created life with a body to hold it

You layered love with feelings to bond it

But why design death, always I ponder

And leave a restless soul, with nowhere to wander

I have a question to ask you dear lord

It might seem strange and might not strike a chord

Did you ever experience –a pull of heart feeling

Whenever you heard news, that you were most dreading

It is not easy I tell you, you just don’t have a clue

It eats you away bit by bit, always leaves a hollow in you

There will be nobody to fill it in, the little void in my heart

You wouldn’t know, would you? You never had anybody depart

Have you ever felt, tears rolling down?

Have you ever seen the pain in which we drown?

It shatters us to pieces and breaks us apart

How do I explain? Where do I start?

Peek in to a Child’s heart, when she sees her mother crying

Have a look at the wife’s eyes, when she knows her hubby is dying

How do I explain a son’s turmoil, when he breaks down before his mother’s body

Or the grief that old couple is down with for their daughter, a very young lady

It is hard to come back on the path

From the state of an emotional wrath

We cannot forget their love and their smiles

Even when they are far away by miles

You might smile and say ‘Child, I have my Plans’

May be you do, but I still stand by my stance

We might not be able to put a hold on their last breath

But memories we have, will treasure them till our death


Pic Courtsey WordPress

My Daddy strongest!!

Dedicated to my Dad who is and will remain my strength forever!!

This is not the end my dear

Let me make that clear

You can do more my girl

 Don’t feel low, this is not done

There is more to come, there is more to win
Buckle yourself up and raise your chin

Yesterday was a dark and rainy day
Hovering with clouds dull and grey
Smile like a sun and keep the glum at bay

There is no stopping you, conquer the way

There is more to flow, there is more to swim
Gear yourself up and move your limbs

You are my hope, you are my pride
Never ever fear, I am here to guide
You are my trust, you are my faith
Together we can set this straight

There is more to soar, there is more to fly
Get ready my dear there is no limit to sky

Date your dreams, court your aim
Love your guts, Victory is yours to claim
Flirt with time, flaunt your skill

You will experience winner’s thrill

There is more to walk, there is more to climb

Walk the talk and you will conquer this time

 Pics Courtesy: My space and shuttershock.com

Angel

Dedicated to my MOM and all mothers in the world

It started on one fine day

Forcing her to take rest and lay

She felt weak and dizzy

Barely able to stand up nimbly

But her face was glowing and she was gay

She thought “It’s my lucky day, Hurray!!”

She knew she had lot more to endure

And that it is going to be a very long tenure

With each passing day, the intensity increased

She started to feel the weight and her mobility ceased

She could not sit, stand or walk with agile

And trying to stay normal was futile

She accepted everything with smile of angel

She never complained, neither did she sniffle

Aware of the fact that the end would tear her

Never did she blabber or never did she banter

Time rolled and the ordeal was for three quarters

She faced the end with a dignity of warriors

It made her bleed and tore her apart

The pain had almost stopped her heart

The sun pierced the sky and splashed it with red

It broke the dawn, starting a new day ahead

The worm had to break away from the cocoon

To emerge as a butterfly and enjoy the moon

The ordeal was complete and I was born

And with love she admired her firstborn

I salute her and give her a salaam

All I can say is “I love you Mom”

My Lady

I met her today with a curious look in my eyes

Wondering what the look in her eyes implies

Sharing my woes is our regular confluence

My heart feels feather under her influence

She looks different today I surmise

Her eyes are shining like sunrise

I feel the difference and appraise

Looking at her for an apprise

She smiles at me as a mother smiles to her child

Her gaze has a pride, As if I were her esteem profiled

“I let you down today”, I said with guilt in my eyes

Her smile very intact, she strongly denies

“I broke under the pressure, bowed my head to censure

I defied your principles and never showed pleasure”

She patted my back with a forgiving gesture

“But you stood up again, the reason for my pleasure”

You succumbed to the injuries

While crossing the boundaries

That was beyond your reach

Look inside you is what I beseech

You will find that you always dared to dream

You were courageous enough to travel upstream

Obstacles are a way of making you strong

That is the way you stand out in throng

I smiled and I raised my head with pride

Now I knew that the glint in her eyes were bestride

Ready to face a new day with my bestowed vigor

I took leave of her and walked away from the mirror.

Girl Power

I know it is very difficult girl, 

To live in this world on your terms,

 But you relax, just twist and twirl,

 Don’t let this world get on to your nerves,

 You can push yourself to any length,

  Hang on girl, Hang on to that strength!!

I know it is very complex girl,

To love someone with all your heart,

Heaps of stones the world will hurl,

Don’t ever let that tear you apart,

That is just an evil feeble wraith,

Hang on girl, Hand on to that faith!!

I know it is very tiring girl,

When all the eyes are devouring you,

Only for your cute looks and dark curls,

Don’t ever let that demean your virtue,

You know you are more than a beauty cream,

Hang on girl, Hang on to that esteem!!

I know that you have it in you girl,

You have the dreams and you have the power,

You are like a pure form of pearl,

Always striving for better and brighter,

You will always dream and you will always achieve,

For a simple reason, in you, you believe!!

                                                                                                  

HAUNTING DOPPELGANGER-2

I had to tell someone; but whom would I tell? Would anyone believe me? I imagined telling Sri

“Sri, I have a twin. No…I actually had a twin, I came to know that only yesterday, I don’t know anything about her, I mean now I know a few things, she Knows everything about me…No..I mean…At least that is what I think…”

She would give me ‘you need a psychiatrist’ look .My mom was out of question and Dad??…Never Mind. I need to search for a solution all by myself, at least for now. I gathered up all my courage and went about my chores as usual. That was when I realized that the weather was chilly, chilly in summer!! ..

Have control Mani... you are imagining way too much. I decided to have a warm bath, relax and divert my mind. I went down to the hall to watch TV and realized that the hall was warmer. I knew I was imagining things, the weather was normal. After dinner, I went back to my room and again felt the chill in my room. As I started walking towards my bed, the air around me became chillier. I was afraid to sit on the bed, half expecting something to jump over me, and then I heard it. The sound of shallow breathing is it me...or is it….? I couldn’t sleep; I lay awake, fearing the worst in case I slept.

It was so warm… like I was lying down in a warm swimming pool, like a warm hug. I pulled my blanket closer to me. Then I realized, dream from reality, Blanket!!! I never took out my blanket; it was in my wardrobe, right from the day summer started. I sat up on my bed; I was indeed snuggled in the blanket. How did it come here? Did I drool off to sleep without my knowledge? Is this done by her? Is she trying to scare me, proving that she has breached the privacy of my room?

I was not the one to get scared easily…I tried to call out to her...What was her name..? Oh! I don’t even know her name... and what does she know about me? How much does she know and how does she know? I couldn’t sleep any more…I went up to the attic...I had seen mom hideaway a package there...Which came in with her death news. I opened the package there were documents and photos.

I flipped through the photos and saw a latest one. It was like glancing at my photo, but not aware of when or where it was taken. She was a mirror image, big eyes, broad forehead, long hair, and chubby. I instantly felt a connection with her. I never asked mom what caused her death. I should do that tomorrow. I saw a duplicate birth certificate, and there I found out her name...MOUNI



Mani, Mouni...Our names were also so similar. May be we would have gotten along very well? May be she would have filled that Void space in my life…which always had a yearning for somebody more than a friend. A smile played up on my lips, it would have been fun. The gossips, pranks and secrets that we would have shared together. May be I really missed something without ever knowing about it.

I was lost in my thoughts, when I again found that I was shivering, the room had become chilly, like the cold wind followed me from my room to the attic. I felt a disturbance in the wind, just beside me, as if somebody just settled down there. I knew she was there with me. Did she ever feel the connection? I sifted through the package and found a dairy at the bottom of the Package. I was a bundle of emotions at that instant… excited, nervous, and scared. I opened it and found her details in the first page. Her likes and dislikes were so similar to mine. There was a beautiful photo of her in the first page with an older couple. They must be her parents.

I was aware of the unrest in wind beside me…was she disturbed on seeing her parents...or was it because I am breaching her privacy. I continued going through the dairy, saw glimpses of her life through my eyes, her college, her friends, her secrets and fights. She loved her life and enjoyed it to the fullest. She was frank, practical and a no nonsense girl. I could see that she would make a wonderful friend and the worst enemy. How did she see me? Friend or foe? Lost in my thoughts, I flipped through the pages, without actually reading anything. I saw it then, written in dark,

I HATE YOU MANI.I LOATH YOU FROM THE CORE OF MY HEART.

The words were like a harsh slap on my face. I could feel the hatred with which she wrote. I was engulfed by sorrow and hurt…and slowly by the chilly wind, like it tried to cage me in it…forever. I saw the next line …

I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE, EVEN IF I HAVE TO COME BACK FROM DEAD



With each line the temperature of the room decreased. I could see my own breath in form of mist. I couldn’t bear the feeling. The wind seemed to choke me, crush me, and suffocate me. I couldn’t breathe properly. My head started spinning, I felt dizzy ….and fell down with a thud on the floor. I tried to move out of the attic, I couldn’t, somebody was holding me down, or was it just the wind? I couldn’t shout, all that came out my mouth were gasps for air and feeble incoherent sounds. The last thought in my mind was

DEATH WILL LAY ITS ICY HANDS ON YOU

The chill in my room…the cold wind suffocating me…. the darkness enveloping me… Is this what death feels like …Will there be a tomorrow for me??





Did I reach the end… my thoughts raced back to what was actually happening… “Why do you want to kill me” I tried to shout out with the feeblest of my voices…I struggled to stay alive. I saw them then, the pair of eyes…directly above me…blood shot eyes with dilated pupils.

I was instantly brought back to senses. Everything was back to normal .Was I having hallucinating?? Or was it real…?

I felt my neck… it burnt like hell… as if some rope was burnt onto it. I started running down to my room, I dared to glance back, that was when I actually saw her, standing at the top of steps.

Long hair strewn wild, blood shot eyes, pale white skin, floating few inches above the steps,… …... I knew what happened to me was NOT a dream… I wanted to shout. .. But my voice was stuck in my throat…



Keep Visting for more...

CREEPER

The oak was tall and strong,
With green leaves and branches so long…
He had grown in a beautiful garden,
With few other oaks and a handsome warden…


As time flowed and the future rolled…
A cute little sapling entered the garden…
The oak took care and nurtured the sapling,
The bond grew strong under the oak’s wing,
The sapling grew up and turned to be a creeper,
Entwining a few trees into it deeper…


As time flowed and the future rolled…
The greenery was good and creeper was happy,
And one fine day the oak was crappy,
Untwine from the teak was the order,
Teak is not oak and is one step shorter…
Creeper had grown so thick in lush greenery,
And teak was a part of its beautiful scenery,


As time flowed and the future rolled…
Teak tried to hold on to the creeper,
For the entwining was so much deeper.
Oak signaled the creeper about the warden,
Creeper wondered, wasn’t Oak her warden…
Oak loved warden, Oak loved the creeper,
Creeper loved the Oak, Creeper loved the teak,


In a attempt to entwine both oak and teak,
The creeper lost its creeping streak….
It fell down limply between the greenery,
Never to creep again, never to build a scenery,
Having lost its creeping streak, it became a bundle of limp fernery,

The green started fading away and the creeper started withering away…..
As was the norm the time flowed, but this time there was no future to roll…

HAUNTING DOPPELGANGER - Part 1

I woke up with a jolt and realized that I was crying. A shiver went down my spine when I recollected the reason. It was a dream, and I saw myself bleeding to death. People were gathering all around me, somebody slapped me, may be to keep me from going unconscious. That’s when I opened my eyes.
It was only 2 A.M, I tried to go back to sleep, after lots of tossing and turning I slipped in to a deep sleep.
Morning was as usual…started my day with a hot cup of coffee and newspaper in hand. Mom was complaining about maid taking leave again. I wanted to tell Mom about my dream, but shut my mouth; I knew her reaction “yeah…keep on watching Ghost Busters and Ghost hunters in TV till late night”. I got ready for another hectic Monday and started towards college. I walked towards my bike and started driving. I got a strange feeling, that somebody was giving me company, I felt eyes on my back and glanced at rear view mirror…there was nobody in sight. I stopped my bike near the stationery store to buy something, and started speaking to the store owner. It was just a small shop, on the road, no steps, no elevation nothing to separate it from the road.
Suddenly I heard loud screeches and a car was zooming right towards me, seeing the drivers shocked expression, I was sure that the next time I open my eyes I will be in Hospital bed , if lucky. I was paralyzed with shock, I couldn’t move, is my dream going to come true? Will I bleed to death now? The shopkeeper pulled me aside at the right moment, and the car crashed in to the shop. I turned around to thank him, but he was not there. He was in his shop and had moved back to the wall to step out of the way from the zooming car. Oh!! Then who had pulled me…I couldn’t see anybody else nearby. I felt a tingling sensation on my hand, as if it was just plunged in to a bucket full of ice. People started gathering around us….just like in my dream.

I couldn’t bear the anxiety and fear in the air. I slowly snaked away from the crowd…started my bike and reached college without any further ado. College was filled with the usual crowd and I tried to bury my morning adventure in my mind. After the first few classes, we had electrical machines lab. Feeling tired and fatigued due to improper sleep and my undue adventure, I decided to skip the lab. I told my friends that I would be joining in few minutes and urged them to move on. Later I started taking a nap on the table. I realized somebody nudging me and woke up,
“How did you reach before us? Anyways, give me your lab readings; I need to make a copy of them”
That was Sri, My best friend and my lab mate. I stared at her not grasping what she was blabbering. She picked up my book which was on table and started grumbling
“God know what has happened to you. Staring at me like I have grown horns. Behaved the same way in lab. You did not utter one word for the entire 2 hours. Are you alright?”
I was dumbfounded. She was diligently copying something from my book. I snatched it and saw that, there were readings on today’s date, today’s experiment. I looked at her in the eye and “Now enough Sri, Stop your pranks and thanks for completing my readings also”. She stared at me for a moment and said “Look mani, just because you have got the most accurate readings, just because the instructor praised you doesn’t mean that you have to turn so arrogant. I am taking your book, come back and speak to me when you are sane again”
I thought she was stretching her prank a bit too much and went to canteen for a hot cup of coffee. It will cheer me up at least. The coffee was hot and strong; I was enjoying my coffee and saw Nitya coming towards me, Damn… I forgot to meet her for lunch….she is going to argue with me now.
Nitya sat with me, ordered a coffee for herself and started speaking about a movie she saw yesterday. I opened my mouth to apologize when she said “need to go now Mani, catch you tomorrow and yeah thanks for the lunch treat” .My heart skipped a beat. Oh no….not again. “Nitya, about the lunch…I am sorry I couldn’t ….”
“SORRY!! For what!! That was the most wonderful lunch I ever had, and that restaurant was sooooo good”
Now this was the limit, she need not be so sarcastic for that, we could go for lunch another day
“Nitya, Stop being rude, I will definitely take you out for lunch tomorrow”
“Rude!! Me!! I am so happy….oh yes I don’t mind if you want to treat me to lunch tomorrow also, let’s try a different restaurant”, she went away, seeming genuinely happy.
I am going home, enough of these ridiculous people today. Finally …sweet home…abode of peace….oh...Why is mom crying…?
“Mom, what’s the matter, why are you crying?”
“Mani, I have to tell you something….. Be brave dear…..I have a secret from you…You…You have a twin, we gave her away for adoption to my best friend….you see she was childless…and…and…she died yesterday. Oh Mani…. Your sister died yesterday….”
I was dumbstruck. I was sad for never knowing I had a sister, hurt for losing her and then I was afraid…..My dream….was it about her…..and my friends….were they serious?
I tried not to scream and ran in to my room…….And then I knew it….Don’t ask me how…I just knew it…I took out my book and tried to see if it was my handwriting…it was…but there was a slight difference, the calculations were done on left side …few letters were slanting towards left….
I went down and asked my Mom “Mom, Is there any physical difference between me and her”
She told me with a tear stained face “I saw her only in photos, both of you look exactly same, but my friend mentioned that she is a leftie… and you are a right handed person …I guess that is the only difference”
At that moment I knew……this is not going to stop here….there is more to come…..


Keep Visting for the Next part...

I tried to ignore

I tried to ignore, ignore the pain…..

Wanted to stay blind, but in vain…..

I wanted to lock it, I wanted to block it

From their life and from my heart

I built a wall, a strong one too

That was my ignorance, for I overlooked the cracks

Only coz I wanted to stay blind, but in vain….

I wanted to protect, I wanted to keep them safe

Safe from guilt and safe from pain

I buried my thoughts deep in my heart

That was my ignorance, for I overlooked the tears

Only coz I wanted to stay blind, but in vain….

Now I realize I cannot be blind, I cannot avoid the pain

Everywhere I find, only their disdain

I want to turn blind again

But should it be for my pain or their disdain?

I am What I am

I put in a lot of thought on the topic for my first post. After a lot of thinking , I penned down a few thoughts. I hope it provokes you to think, even if it is just for a second.



I am different from you. You are different from her, she is different from him.



Each of us is defined by our attitude. Decide on how you want to shape yourself and take pride in doing so. Decide for what you want and go for it. It doesn’t matter if it is out of your reach, it may initially seem so…



Follow your own particular dreams. We are handed a life by peers, parents and society, you can do that or follow your own dreams. Life is short, be a dreamer but be a practical person.
HUGH HEFNER

The restrained dawn strains behind the crowd
You get only one chance at life, Design it carefully. There is no Ctrl + Z in life.


You may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one,

I hope some day you'll join us,

And the world will be as one.


JOHN LENNON